Mein Neues Leben in Deutschland

Monday, June 26, 2006

Original Quotes

I get depressed when I'm not allowed to wallow in self pity

-Me after being talked out of feeling sorry for myself and realizing I wanted the drama in my life

Friday, June 16, 2006

Horrible Realization #2

I've been sitting in front of my computer for hours.

Nothing special about that fact. I do it all the time. When I watch movies, play games, edit videos, do 3d modelling. I can sit for hours.

Tonight though there is a weight hanging around my neck, pulling my back into a typical deskjockey's slump.

Just as I thought the crisis of adding another year to my already unforgivable age was not as bad as I thought, another realization hits me. Not only was I getting old, I had also had no career going for me.

I'm not anything. I'm not a writer, 3D artist, video compositor, designer, or least not in the "professional" sense. I do know a thing or two about these things, but who cares?

I realized I had no real industry skills. I don't even have a damned portfolio that I could be proud of. I'm too old to be the "young trainee" in some big company or to make a name for myself as a "hot new emerging artist".

Maybe I'm being too hard on myself.

Or maybe it's time to face facts.

Maybe it's time to realize that unless I get my act together, the few opportunities that I have will continue to dwindle and all but vanish.