Mein Neues Leben in Deutschland

Saturday, October 22, 2005

100 things about me (sort of)

A lot of thoughts are going through my head lately. So after dumping my most private self expressions in my private blog, I shall blurt out my remaining thoughts here. I shall use the time tested 100 things about myslef blog format since I don't have the energy to put my thoughts into a coherent paragraph. Here goes...

1) I hate the way I look most of the time
2) I sometimes do things just because I think it would make a scandalous secret.
3) I always tell a scandalous secret to someone. (to clarify, theres not ONE person I tell everything to. But at least one other person knows each scandalous deed I have done)
4) I am horribly self-absorbed.
5) I want everyone to like me.
6) (I was gonna write "I want people to admire me" as number 6, but then read numbers 4 and 5 and realized even more how self absorbed I am... So insted I'll write...) I love watching anime.
7) I realize that I can't write anything else in this list that doesn't begin with "I..." or further affirms my self-absorbent nature. In fact this entire concept of a list is a self-affirming excercise....So I'll abandon this list right now.

(slaps self on the forehead with palm of open hand)

And this is what happens when I don't think about my posts too well...

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

What have you done today to make you feel proud?

i step out of the ordinary, i can feel my soul ascending
I'm on my way, can't stop me now, and you can do the same.
what have you done today to make you feel proud?

-from the song "Proud" by Heather Small

This song, a current favorite, was in the soundtrack of Queer as Folk Season 1, Episode 1 when Brian contemplates his new life as a father at the roofdeck of a hospital (if my memory serves me right).

So what have I done today to make me feel proud? It's pretty shallow, but it meant a lot to me: I rode my bike. hahaha. Remember my post a few months ago? Well, a few weeks ago Daniel got me a second hand bike to practice on. It took a while, but finally I got my new second hand bike on the road.

It's very liberating being able to take the bike and not having to wait for the train or bus all the time. It gave me a new kind of independence.

Sometimes, we learn new things at the same time as we say goodbye to other things. You see, Daniel moved out a few weeks ago. Truth be told, Daniel is one of the few real friends I have had since I moved here. He was the person who always helped me make sense of this far off land that I'm in. Having him a mere room away made living in a foreign land a lot more bearable.

Now he's no longer there to fall back translate things, to teach things, or just to keep me company. Time to take what he has taught me and move on with what I have learned.

Time to be free.

(Dramatically takes his bike and rides of to the forest at the edge of the city while camera pans up over the trees and into the sunset, while the the song Proud fades in...)

cause you could be so many people,
just make that breath for freedom
so what have you done today to make you feel proud?